Homophobia the Reason for Outrage over Airport Pat-Downs

Since the terrorists have learned to use anti-Magneto tactics and now employ non-metallic objects in their attacks, that leaves only one option: full body scans that emit so little radiation it's barely measurable and pat-downs.

TSA claims that "pat-downs and full-body scanning are needed to stop non-metallic threats including weapons and explosives from getting aboard planes." A CBS News poll found that 4 out of 5 Americans support the use of full-body scans. A private industry poll found that 4.5 out of 5 Americans support not having their plane explode. But, like many small outrages not felt by the overwhelming majority of Americans, a "don't touch my junk" guy and a crying child are proof positive of the incalculable public outrage towards the TSA's security measures. But surprisingly, the media has failed to miss the obvious issue at hand, the real reason Americans can't handle body scans or pat-downs: homophobia.

It's hard to believe that homophobia still exists in an age when national media coverage is provided for every instance of a celebrity saying "the gay f-word," just like it's hard to believe a man NOT insecure about his sexuality could be so homophobic... This homophobia has gotten so out of hand that men are willing to risk their own safety and that of their families simply to avoid the possibility of his having to face the fact that he rather enjoyed that pat-down. But then again, you are so irresistibly sexy that no matter how straight he may be, that TSA screener's been waiting all day to feel up your exquisite inner thigh and intends to savor the moment.

Does a man need to clarify to another man that he'd better not "touch his junk"? During a game of football or basketball, do men stop before contact and warn the other that he'd better not "touch his junk"? When a waiter tries to take a man's order, does he need to remind him to not "touch his junk," or remind the waitress she has the option to "touch his junk" should she desire to do so? Voting Democrat to appease one's homophobic guilt at the expense of crippling the economy is one thing, risking your life to avoid facing your gay inner-demons is another. Remember: if you're gay, it's okay! All that matters is that a man with a turban doesn't get searched, cause that would be racist.